Source: Bush To Ask For Grand Army To Fight Clones

WASHINGTON (CT) - Sources inside the White House say President Bush will use his televised address to the nation Sunday night to ask the Senate for emergency powers, as well as for the construction of a Grand Army of the Republic to fight a new army of clone terrorists. The source, who wished to be described only as "a diehard table tennis enthusiast,"Â? told reporters that "the president's convinced that these clone terrorists are actually separatists who seek civil war and, eventually, the destruction of our Republic." Capitol Hill insiders confirmed the table tennis fan's story, and added that Bush's staunchest Senate ally, Senator Binks (R-Naboo), was prepared to introduce the emergency powers resolution in the Senate on Monday. Opponents sharply criticized the administration's plans as "disturbingly secretive"Â? and "frightening."Â? Senator Bail Organa (D-Alderaan) told NBC's "Today"Â? that "this is an affront to the Constitution... President Bush is clearly trying to crown himself emperor." The rumors, if true, aren't entirely surprising, as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has been publicly warning about clone terrorists for months. "There's no doubt about whether or not these things exist, except for those that doubt them,"Â? he told reporters during a typically confusing press conference about his recent trip to Iraq. "We know where the clones are. They're in Tikrit, they're in Kabul, they're on Kamino, though they may not be there for sure. We'll do everything we can to stop them, though we'll only do as much as we have to." The president made no references to the Sunday night speech in his weekly radio address, saying instead "it's nice to be back"Â? in Washington. Bush recently returned to the capitol after a month-long stay at his Crawford, Texas ranch, during which he hosted numerous fundraisers and read the novelization of Star Wars: Episode II.