Sticky Fingers Presents: Bad Sequels

Lemme start today's blog by wishing loyal FMAD reader Dalek Jimbo the best after enduring Hurricane Ike's wrath. He seems to be fine and amazingly enough his home is intact. My thoughts and prayers go out to Jimbo and everyone else impacted by this latest natural debacle.

This week, Sticky Fingers is proud to discuss sequels, specifically ridiculously bad sequels that make the mind boggle. Sequels so bad people wonder who wrote this shit, who greenlit this shit, and why did I come here and pay thirty bucks between the ticket and the popcorn and soda to watch this shit. Oh that's right my girlfriend wanted to see this piece of crap because she loves the girl from that awful show that used to be on the WB.

Let's dive in and look at bad sequels in some specific categories. There will be overlap as some movies will fit multiple categories but I want to try to do this nice and neat so just follow along.

Same Characters, New Actors
This never ever seems to work out in either television or movies. At least when they went back and forth on two different actresses playing Becky on Roseanne they had a lot of fun with it. But there seem to be very very few improvements when you do this and that's why this is one of the categories on Jump The Shark.

Perhaps the most blatant case of this is in one of the worst sequels ever, The Sting II. The characters played by Paul Newman and Robert Redford in the original Academy Award-winning classic are back but this time they are played by Jackie Gleason and Mac Davis (WHO?).

Same Supporting Cast/Setting, New Lead Character
Welcome to a little gem called Caddyshack II.

Rodney Dangerfield asked for too much money to reprise his legendary role from the original so producers brought in comedian Jackie Mason to play a different blue collar country club crasher opposite Robert Stack's snob. Throw in a returning Chevy Chase and this movie deserves the terrible reputation it has gotten over the years.

Another sequel in this category that really broke my heart is Mannequin 2: On The Move.

We are back in the same department store and Hollywood Montrose is back from the original (probably since Meshach Taylor needed a break from the whores on Designing Women). But instead of Andrew McCarthy we get..um..the lead from Herman's Head? Huh? Also gone are James Spader, GW Bailey, and Estelle Getty. So all that's left is Hollywood, the department store, and a love story involving a mannequin. I just threw up in my mouth A LOT.

Another movie in this category is Jaws 4. Instead of going after the husband or the son, the shark has set his sights on the mother and she's your lead character. Instead of moving to fucking Nebraska to get away from this juggernaut, bitch, she moves to the FUCKING BAHAMAS? To paraphrase Jim Traficant, beam me the hell up.

Nobody Watched The Original
This is what I felt when watching The Phantom Menace. George Lucas didn't go back and try to make the original and better trilogy line up with his prequels because he honestly didn't seem to care. He knew he'd make himself a bigger billionaire whatever he put on the screen and I suppose you can't blame him but years later we are all still bitching and moaning so his reputation has gone down the crapper.

Another example of this is the terrible Highlander 2: The Quickening.

The first movie was very good even with Sean Connery maintaining his Scottish accent while playing a Spanish nobleman. No matter. The sequel goes in this entirely new slant where the immortals are now aliens from another world (WHA?) and Christopher Lambert regenerates into a younger version of himself when they come after him. This movie was so bad that it's been released on DVD in a much better director's cut eliminating references to the aliens and creating an actually halfway decent movie.

A Sequel Too Far
There are times when you actually make a great sequel but then you fuck it all up with a third one. Enter The Godfather, Part 3.

Francis Ford Coppola needed the cash so they went ahead with this third installment almost two decades later. The first two Godfather movies are legendary Oscar winning films that have given us more quotable lines and memorable scenes than I can count on all my grubby protrubences. The third one gives us terrible acting in the form of Coppola's daughter Sofia and people who should not be in a Godfather movie (George Hamilton). The story of Michael Corleone still trying to go legitimate but never making that total split from his gangster background is too over-the-top, too operatic. Also no Tom Hagen since Robert Duvall wanted a paycheck equal to Al Pacino. PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY!

Let's also ponder the awful Beverly Hill Cop III.

The first two movies were both very enjoyable but the third was such a clunker that Eddie Murphy fessed up to it. Billy Rosewood is back but no Taggart and no Ronnie Cox yet they bring BRONSON FUCKING PINCHOT BACK? Oh god the puke is starting to run out of my eye sockets. Also, setting it in an amusement park? The only good that ever came in a movie having scenes in a DisneyWorld knock off was when they shot poor John Candy in the ass in National Lampoon's Vacation.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Comment it out.

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