Raw Meat - September 15th 2008

WELCOME TO RAW MEAT! WE ARE LIVE FROM MEMPHIS!

World Title match: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho (c)
We are really starting Raw off with the main event? Wow you guys really must want people to go back to the Eagles/Cowboys game in time for the second half. Jericho looks AWESOME with that Big Gold Belt around his waist.

The two put their noses right on top of each other in an awkward same-sex moment. Punk gets very aggressive with Jericho with some punches and kicks. Jericho tries to escape but Punk doesn't let that happen and early on it's all CM Punk. He hits a bulldog but CAN'T HIT THE GTS! Jericho escapes but goes into the steel cage as we go to commercial.

Coming back and Jericho is in control! He has Punk with a leglock submission. Apparently we missed Punk almost escaping through the door. Jericho continues to work the leg but Punk escapes and Jericho does a quasi Flair Flop. Punk chops but an Irish whip leads to THE WALLS OF JERICHO! WILL PUNK TAP OUT?!?! Punk starts moving to the door AND TRYING TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR BUT JERICHO HOLDS ONE LEG! Wow that was really an awesome spot.

Back in the middle of the ring, Jericho starts to taunt Punk with punches and kicks in between talking to him. He lifts his hands in victory BUT PUNK PUTS A KNEE UP TO BLOCK THE LIONSAULT! Punk is fired up and comes back with some kicks but eats the steel on a reversed corner charge. Jericho starts to go over the top of the cage but Punk starts to take chase. Punk grabs Jericho and they both end up on the top ring rope battling it out, then BOTH FALL TO THE RING BELOW.

Both men get to a vertical base and Jericho THROWS Punk into the cage then heads to climb over the cage. CHRIS GO TO THE DOOR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Punk jumps up and comes after him and hits an electric chair to send both men back to the middle of the ring. Jericho heads to the door but Punk pulls him back in! Punk tries to crawl out and Jericho holds onto him for dear life! Punk starts pushing Jericho into the cage over and over again but Jericho nails Punk with a headbutt and non chalantly falls out the door for the win. That was a very abrupt ending to what was building to be a decent match.

Chris Jericho, 2.5 baconators

Backstage, Mike Adamle starts talking to Kelly Kelly and calls her K2. Some blonde steroid freak comes by to say hi by gets blown off by Adamle when Chris Jericho comes by. Jericho says that he's Adamle's most valuable asset and he needs to be taken care of and they should go to his office to talk. Adamle agrees.

Elsewhere backstage, KANE IS WEARING HIS MASK! He says he was forced to remove his mask but nobody forces him to do anything and he took his mask off so he'd be accepted but that didn't happen. Rey still wears his mask and all of us wear masks. When he attacked Rey Mysterio, he was attacking us. Strong words from Fake Diesel tonight folks. Some vanilla midget comes out and says he can't wait for Rey to beat Kane tonight AND KANE LAUGHS EVILLY!

Oh no...Jillian is out singing "Hound Dog" and the Memphis crowd is NOT appreciating her skills. This is the lead-in to...

Candice Michelle vs. Jillian
Beth Phoenix comes down to ringside to watch. Jillian and Candice lock up and They start with some acceptable-looking basic countering and Candice uses her EDUCATED FEET for a two-count. Jillian hits a powerslam in response but only gets two and starts breaking the rules! SHE MUST BE A RULEBREAKER! Jillian locks in a full nelson VINTAGE HERCULES HERNANDEZ!

Candice catches Jillian on an attempted springboard elbow in the corner and hits the candy wrapper (???) for the pin.

Candice Michelle, 1 baconator

After the match, Candice invites Beth into the ring AND CHEAP SHOTS HER WITH A DROP KICK! Candice is a tweener now folks!!!

JBL vs. Tommy Dreamer
Do I even need to watch this match? Do I? Blah.

Bradshaw starts clubberin on Dreamer as the announcers rehash the Charles Haas-Bradshaw confrontation from last week. Dreamer starts fighting back and NAILS the Shake Rattle N Roll! VINTAGE HONKY TONK MAN! Of course Tommy eats a clothesline from heck for the pin right afterward.

JBL, 1/2 baconator

Afterward, Bradshaw grabs a chair but the referee steps in and ends up getting Dreamer out of the ring. Bradshaw unfolds the chair and sits down in the ring, demanding Adamle make him the number one contender to the Big Gold Belt. "You Suck" chants from the crowd as we go to pay the bills and I get a Monday Night Football update.

Damn Philly and Dallas keep on going back and forth, they've scored 40+ points and it's not even halftime. JBL is STILL in the ring calling out Mike Adamle. He says there's nobody with the credentials to be the number-one contender AND HERE COMES RANDALL ORTON!!!

Randall says he gave his evaluation of the champions on Raw and he was not impressed, which is why that CM Punk lost his belt. "RKO" CHANTS! Orton says JBL isn't much of an improvement. The Age of Orton was cut short due to an injury and it's only a matter of time before the Age resumes and when it does, it doesn't matter who is champion...

SANTINO IS OUT! YES YES YES!!!!! HE'S GOT THE GLAMAZON WITH HIM! GLAMARELLA!

Santino asks Randy Orton who he thinks he is to insult him and the Glamazon. Unlike him, they are champions and they are healthy. "Look at you, you are always injury, just like your daddy. How long did he have that cast on his arm, like six years?" CLASSIC! Santino says his dad is always healthy. "Sure he did have the herpes." OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME.

Santino demands an apology and Randy refuses but JBL says that Randy should apologize to him, not to "Mr. and Mr. Phoenix." Nice line. Bradshaw says he'd hate to have something new happen to Randy's shoulder...

AND THE ANIMAL IS OUT! DAVE! Fresh off his appearance on Iron Chef America, Batista comes down ready to fight. He starts to giggle and says before he beats the hell out of all of them, he says this is the most pathetic sight he's ever seen and calls them politicians. Batista has a solution. Tonight, he takes on JBL, wins, then takes on Chris Jericho for the Big Gold Belt, wins, then keeps on beating guys until Randall is healthy and comes back.

Santino asks if he forgot someone. Batista apologizes and says he'd be happy to give Beth a title shot after he beats Jericho.

ADAMLE IS ON THE TITAN TRON! He says that he will take their opinions, and Chris Jericho's opinion, regarding who is the number-one contender for the Big Gold Belt at No Mercy. He'll make the announcement later tonight. Batista GOES AFTER JBL! Santino gets in the way and eats a spinebuster while Bradshaw runs for safer waters. Beth stares down Dave! and slaps the taste out of his mouth!!!!! AND BETH EATS A SPINEBUSTER TOO! VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IT'S GOOD FOR WWE'S FAMILY IMAGE!!!

Backstage Randall walks past Dibiase, Rhodes, and Manu and they all exchange glances.

Manu, Ted Dibiase, and Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston, Jerry Lawler, and Charlie Haas as JR
This week Charlie Haas is Good Old JR right down to the black cowboy hat. Kofi and Manu start things off and the power of the Samoan comes out in full force. Kofi knocks Manu into his own corner and Cody tags in. The King is in! Rhodes locks in a reverse chinlock but Lawler escapes and Haas gets the tag. Haas comes in guns blazing with clotheslines and a drop kick followed by a LOU THESZ PRESS AND A BIG SPLASH FOR TWO! Haas goes for an Oklahoma Stampede and we get a Dr. Death Steve Williams reference but Dibiase reverses and hits a Turkmenistani Leg Sweep for the pin.

Dibiase, Rhodes, and Manu, 1 baconator

Backstage, JBL and Jericho have a moment. Bradshaw tries to kiss ass but Jericho isn't having any of it.

Jamie Noble vs. Paul Burchill
Jamie gets a relatively quick submission win over Burchill. HUH?

Jamie Noble, 1/4 baconators

Layla comes out and says it was a difficult situation and she's sorry...that's it has taken her this long to get rid of him! She's found a man worthy of her..WILLIAM REGAL! Regal is out and the two share a seductive look. Regal says it's not Noble she wanted, it's nobility.

Backstage, Adamle and Lance Cade are chatting when DAVE! bursts in. He gets into it with Lance Cade and then takes off very pissed.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio
They finally meet! Kane and Rey go back and forth and Kane starts to get pissed off. Kane locks in a chinlock because nothing says total carnage like a resthold. Rey breaks out and tries to go on the offensive but Kane just swats him away. Rey is able to get going but gets caught coming off the top BUT ESCAPES KANE'S CLUTCHES! 619 attempt no good as Kane brings Rey down with a MONSTER CLOTHESLINE! Kane starts hammering away with kicks and boots and the ref calls for the bell AND KANE GOES FOR THE MASK! But Evan Bourne comes out to save Rey!

Kane by KO, 1.5 baconators

BREAK THE WALL DOWN! Jericho and Cade are in the ring for the big announcement of who's the number one contender. Jericho thanks Mike Adamle for listening to him on his important decision. Neither JBL nor Batista are worthy of his championship so Jericho's solution is for JBL to face Batista at the ppv and for Jericho to face the winner later that night.

Adamle comes out and says that Jericho's solution is more than fair. At No Mercy it'll be JBL vs. Batista with the winner being the number-one contender. He doesn't want to have challengers fight on the same fight so JBL will face Batista but won't compete that night for the champion. Adamle says that he was approached by someone else who had an idea for a title match, a match so exciting he couldn't pass it up. He introduces Jericho's opponent for No Mercy...

HEARTBREAK KID!!! SHAWN MICHAELS!!! BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD! IT'S HBK! Shawn is out and says they've fought in so many matches, what more can they do to one another? Is there anyway they can top themselves? Then it hit him. A match he put on the map, he revolutionized. A match that will let him beat Jericho for the Big Gold Belt. At No Mercy it'll be HBK vs. Jericho in a...LADDER MATCH!!!!!

The Bottom Line: Tremendous night of Raw, one of the better ones in recent memory. No Mercy is shaping up to be a good show but unfortunately I will be on vacation and won't be able to watch. My only real gripe: no Honk A Meter this week!