Son of the Return of Heroes of Wrestling and other drunken, debauched wrestling news

Jeez, I take a couple days away from Mystery Partner to yell obscenities outside Dave Meltzer's office and all hell breaks loose on the indie scene. Here is wrestling news that makes Captain Lou's birthday parties sound as quiet as the crowd during a Sean Waltman promo. (Zing!)

*Jake Roberts fell off the wagon at an indie show. The video below shows him mumble some sort of promo, which I don't think mentioned anything about blackjack. His opponent, who I can only assume was Jim Neidhart, pinned Jake after about 18 sections of his extreme stumbling around, then screamed at him before leaving. Then - and again, the tape is fuzzy, so I'm making the most likely assumptions here - the never-before-seen half-size clone of Bastion Booger comes out and beats on Jake for a little while. I called David Crosby to see if he could help Jake out, but I don't actually have his phone number, so I only called to him from my living room, and he wasn't there at the time. So if you have David Crosby's number, have him go find Jake and straighten him out, cause there's nothing sadder than seeing Jake Roberts getting drunk for a house show.

*Oh, I spoke too soon. Meet Ric "Can I Borrow A Feeling" Flair, who traded his steady WWE job for a life of shoot DVD's and (alleged) drunken fistfights at his kids' apartments, not necessarily in that order.

*Bob Holly is allegedly in rehab. We only need like four more guys for a special wrestlers-only recovery group.

*Ah, Rob Van Dam! Oh wait, he doesn't look interested.

*Tammy Sytch? Nope, she's healthy and happy. That's good. We can bring her in as a guest speaker.

Kurt Angle! Nope, as it turns out he didn't drive drunk. He'd been hit by a board 734 times instead.

To think: all this, and not a single mention of The Sandman!