The Game Where You Hit Kurt Angle With a Board: The Unofficial Strategy Guide

In a well thought out marketing move, TNA has decided to promote their wrestling video game with a video game where you hit Kurt Angle with a board. This is the first time the ancient art of hitting Kurt Angle with a board has made its way to video games, so Mystery Partner has put together a guide to help you become a hitting Kurt Angle with a board legend!

Beginner: Mastering the controls
It takes strong eye-hand coordination and steady nerves to master the complex controls involved in hitting Kurt Angle with a board. Grasp the mouse firmly, and press the mouse button with confidence somewhere on the screen. Oh, you've hit the TNA Impact sign with a board, -5 points for you. Try again. No, you've wandered offstage and hit Kevin Nash with a board; now he's going to complain to management and walk out. One more time... there you go! You've hit Kurt Angle with a board.

Intermediate: Making the most of hitting Kurt Angle with a board
Kurt Angle may not fight back as you hit him with a board, but that doesn't mean he's not dangerous. Visualizing hitting Kurt Angle with a board will help you hit Kurt Angle with a board even better. Here are some visualization tips:

imagine you are Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and your job in life is to hit people with boards.

Imagine you are Norm Abrams, inadvertantly causing a major workplace accident on the set of "This Old House."

Imagine you are Jim Traficant and you are Bangin' Away in D.C.

Expert: Advanced techniques for hitting Kurt Angle with a board

After many hours of hitting Kurt Angle with a board, some will wonder, "Why am I hitting Kurt Angle with a board?" Others may ask, "How is this supposed to get me to buy the TNA video game?" Still more may ponder "Who is SUICIDE," and a few may ask "Why is 'Hollywood Squares' announcer Shadoe Stevens stealing my laundry?" To you, we say, stand strong! You'll never be able to keep hitting Kurt Angle with a board with such thoughts. Remain positive. Keep calm. Call in sick to work, turn off your phone. Above all, keep hitting Kurt Angle with a board.

We hope you've found these tips helpful in mastering hitting Kurt Angle with a board. Keep an eye out next week for our unofficial strategy guide for "That's right, Hulk: The Brutus Beefcake Game."