Hope Gail Has Better Luck Than Chris Harris and other news

Wrestling news that pinned the world champ in his hometown because it's a MONEY ANGLE:

*Gail Kim has left TNA because it's a SWERVE which is what the fans want most. Most bloggers believe she's on her way back to WWE, but I happen to know that she is actually being repackaged as a sidekick for SUICIDE. She will henceforth be known as ARMED ROBBERY. In the coming weeks Jay Lethal will be renamed SECURITIES VIOLATION and Eric Young will be called FAILURE TO YIELD.

*The WWE championship scramble puts six guys in a pan with some balsamic vinegar, parsley and a teaspoon of cumin (optional). Whoever guest referee Rachael Ray names the most "delish" will become World Champion.

*They're going to announce that Chris Jericho broke Shawn Michaels' wife's jaw with one punch at SummerSlam. I will now refer to Y2J as Chris "Hands of Stone" Jericho-Garvin.

*Ewwwwwwwwwww Matt Hardy "I just walked in from marinating in my hottub for 30 minutes or so underneath a gorgeous full moon on a beautiful summer night." He's gonna go blind now.

*When Samoa Joe won the TNA title he was booked as a badass who was Gonna Kill You. Now he's booked as a whiny, self-conscious wimp who writes poetry about cellphones. Just give the belt to Angle, or SUICIDE, or maybe PARKING IN HANDICAPPED SPACE.

*Classic story from Dory Funk Jr. about his father and Sam Muchnick. Now THAT's a swerve.