A special DNA ON A POLE match IN SPACE and other news

Wrestling news that tied Mark Spitz' record for gold medals in one Olympics, with one event to go...

*Matt Morgan is going to send his DNA into space. I have not exaggerated that sentence an iota. According to the article, Morgan's DNA will be kept on the International Space Station, which will then create a race of giant clones who can come back down to Earth should we ever have a shortage of American Gladiators. The DNA will be rayshielded to prevent COBRA from stealing it like they did with Sgt. Slaughter's DNA. I heard a song on The Annoying Music Show that foreshadows this event almost exactly.

*It's back to the magnetic therapy friend for Randall Orton; he's out for another 3 months because his motorcycle threw him "300 feet." Note the quotes around "300" here. The original story was that he was thrown 30 feet, but Randall has insisted on "300" because that was a cool movie, but no one believes him - even WWE puts "300" in quotes. But the company did release six more workers to show there's no hard feelings toward Crashy McCollarbone for flying 26.2 miles after his accident.

Funny quote from Randall about the accident: "so much was going through my head." Maybe "so much" should be in quotes too?

*Here's an even better quote from Mark Henry: "The hand is now five years old. It’s at home. Mae [Young] is doing a great job of taking care of it." Upon hearing this Michael Hayes told Henry "I'm more of a Mae Young-birthed hand than the hand is" and was suspended for 60 days without pay.

*CM Punk is a terrible champion because he doesn't own a jetpack and has to take the subway to get to the airport. The sad thing is that Vince McMahon says "he doesn't look like C.M. Punk" in regular clothes so he has to wear his wrestling gear on the subway. He also lives in a neighborhood in Chicago called The Crotch, in an apartment he's subleting from Val Venis.

*Too much information, Shannon Moore: "on Aug 23 I am wrestling in Myrtle Beach SC at SUCK BANG and BLOW." I decree a temporary moratorium on jokes about Missy Hyatt, Ashley Massaro and Tommy Rich.