Somewhere, Captain Redneck Is Crying and other news

Wrestling news that will attempt to slam Yokozuna on the deck of the U.S.S. Super Brawl Saturday tomorrow:

*Advertising! John Cena is The Best A Man Can Get. Chavo Guerrero, meanwhile, isn't just a former ECW champion, he's also a client!

*Creative doesn't have anything for Trevor Murdoch right now. Maybe he can take advice from Dick Murdoch and enroll in Tulsa Welding School. The training's tough but it's well worth it.

*WWE Diva Ashley is hanging up her backwards baseball cap, meaning that you'll be saying "who is that again?" a few less times each week while watching Smackdown.

*Now that the vastly superior Mike Adamle is hosting WEDF on Sci-Fi, Joey Styles has shown Vince that he can do some good work too. Talent, drive and dedication will likely pay off for Joey the way they have for others in the company: sometime down the road they'll replace him with Jonathan Coachman and do a colonoscopy sketch about him.

*Booker T thought this thing was gonna be catered. He was so hungry... I mean, really, really hungry... it's just not fair, dammit!

*Speaking about comic hero Luke Cage, Mark Henry demonstrates the solid grip on reality we've come to expect from champion wrestlers:

"I like Luke Cage because he's very realistic and the story of Cage, theoretically, could happen in this time," the burly Superstar explains. "I mean, there could be a molecular machine that could transfer human skin to something that's like titanium."

Henry's new nickname should totally be "Sexual Molecular Machine Transferring Skin to Something That's Like Titanium."