Dear Dave,
Now that you've finished Harry Potter, what question do you still feel is unanswered?
We're unhappy that we never found out what Harry does for a living.
Nancy
Roseland, NJ
Dear Nancy,
The book answered a lot of questions I had initially, such as "is Dumbledore gay?" But as each question was answered, and new one arose, such as "am I gay?" Then I went to the adult video store and rented "Hairy Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones" and decided "no." And according to that film, Hairy Potter is some sort of plumber.
Dear Dave,
The vacuum that can tell if the dentist is fake. Can it also suck up the dirt of this website? This is probably one of the craziest websites I have ever been on. Well, if it makes people happy who am I to judge. I hate the dentist and vacuming.
Somebody in NJ
Dear Somebody,
I share your disdain for vacuuming and dentistry, but I maintain that no man-made device can suck up this site's filth. Personally, I can't even suck up the dirt in my apartment, mostly because I don't own a vacuum. But I can make "grease angels" on my kitchen floor, which are very festive during the holidays.
Dear DAve,
How did you get such a collection of weird stuff? Why did you start such a collection? Aliens who search for kittens lost in space, trying to get John T to stop acting for 46 billion, worrying about the space race, how does it all tie together? and good ole Harry?
Terry
Wilson, NC
Dear Terry,
The inspiration for all of these things came to me in a sequence of dreams, spanning a week in which I ate nothing but Hot Pockets, three meals a day. Actually, those are the more normal visions I had - I decided not to write about the really weird things, like when I dreamed about the pilot episode of "The World According to Jim." No one would read that.
Dear Dave, I did not understand the article on the scientist who "talks to inches." Is this concerning the debate that the US is one of the only countries that doesn't use the metric system?
Unsigned
Dear Unsigned,
I'm not sure what you don't understand - I talk to units of measurement all the time. Inches are pretty cool guys, but yards are jerks. And millimeters... they just keep to themselves.
Dear Dave, Richard
Dreyfuss v. Chuck Norris. Who wins?
Samantha Joy
Dear Samantha,
This isn't even close. Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick Richard Dreyfuss so fast that his foot would travel back in time to the casting call for Jaws and ruin Dreyfuss' career. And then we wouldn't be having this conversation, because we'd be like "who's Richard Dreyfuss? Maybe he's that janitor with the dented forehead."
