Roberts: He's No Huey Lewis

The Senate Judiciary Committee did its best to get Judge John Roberts to talk about his personal beliefs during last week's confirmation hearings. "What do you think about Roe v. Wade?" asked chair Arlen Specter. "What about affrmative action and women's rights?" asked Ted Kennedy. "What about the role of international law in American jurisprudence?"Â? asked Jon Kyl. "Why do you keep trying to answer, you're interrupting my questions?"Â? asked Joseph Biden.

Roberts, as we all know, rebuffed them time and time again, on the grounds that he had mistaken the invitation to a "Senate confirmation hearing"Â? for an invitation to "LandoCon '05"Â? and had boned up on the life and career of Billy Dee Williams rather than his own accomplishments and decisions. "I'm afraid I can't tell you about my personal opinion of Title IX,"Â? said the Judge, "but if you'd like I can tell you all about Billy Dee Williams' exciting role as Detective Hamberger in 'Deadly Illusion'..."

Some have criticized the Judiciary Committee for not grilling Roberts hard on the issues, and that's a fair criticism. They didn't ask him a single question about Huey Lewis, for example! Do you really want a Chief Justice who doesn't have an opinion on Lewis's decision to move to England in the 70's to work with songwriter/producer Nick Lowe? Should a man being nominated to handle the biggest issues of the day be confirmed without weighing in on the "Sports" vs. "Fore!"Â? debate?

Perhaps the Republicans, not wanting to sabotage their party's nominee, didn't want to make a comparison that would reflect badly on Judge Roberts. I mean, it's not as if a guy with two years' experience as a judge can compare with the guy who wrote "The Heart of Rock and Roll,"Â? after all. But why would Democrats not bring Huey Lewis up in the hearings to discredit Roberts? Maybe because some of their biggest interest groups aren't on board with Huey (NARAL, for example, claims to have found hidden pro-life messages in the song "Workin' for a Livin'."Â?). And then there's the whole issue of the right-wing tribute group called Huey Lewis and the FOX News, which does Huey's songs with a pro-White House twist. The base loves 'em, but bringing up the real Huey might lead to a discussion of the tribute act at a time while the White House wants very much to paint Roberts as a centrist.

This is all speculation, but I'm pretty sure it's 100 percent true. And it's good for the next nomination, too. Don't think President Bush isn't listening to "Couple Days Off"Â? while he's vetting candidates.