Your Kiss is on Terrorist Watch List

WASHINGTON (CT) – Your kiss gained a measure of fame in the early 1980's for being on Daryl Hall's and John Oates' lists of the best things in life.

Now, it's gaining infamy for being on another list – the government's list of international terrorism suspects. And, government sources say, this list is one we can't afford to resist.

The shocking revelation was announced late last week at an FBI press conference. Director Robert Mueller gave few details, saying the investigation was ongoing, but other sources said the case was open-and-shut. “Your kiss insisted on knowing our bliss,� said a high-ranking FBI official who asked not to be named. “Our bliss is highly sensitive information. People's lives could be jeopardized if your kiss was freely spreading this information.� The new keepers of the list of the best things in life immediately suspended your kiss from their list pending a full investigation.

That inquiry began only a few short weeks ago, but sources say there had been subtle hints for years that your kiss's loyalty was in question. “Daryl Hall had long refused to tell his friends why he calls you all of the time,� said one high-ranking intelligence source. “Then, in 2002, he started giving such secrets away. What made him change? It had to be your kiss.�

Hall is being detained at Camp X-Ray at Guantamano Bay in Cuba. He faces charges of aiding and abbeting your kiss with terrorist activities. He was apprehended in Philadelphia last month, while allegedly trying to smuggle supplies and terrorist literature to your kiss. His lawyer told reporters “you think maybe Daryl needs help. No, we know that he's right.� Oates, holed up in a Los Angeles recording studio with guitarist G.E. Smith, has declined all requests for comment.