WASHINGTON (CT) - Amidst all the hubbub about Janet Jackson's exposed breast at the Super Bowl halftime show, Attorney General John Ashcroft has secretly ordered a new blue drape, which he will use to cover the singer's chest at all times, a Justice Department source says.
"He's very concerned. This is the Lady Justice thing all over again." said the source, who wished to remain anonymous. "What if he has to do a press conference during a Janet Jackson concert? What are people going to think?"
Ashcroft was ridiculed during the early days of his tenure for spending $8000 of taxpayer money to order a large blue drape to cover the exposed breast of the "Spirit of Justice" statue at the Justice Department. Though Ashcroft never publicly commented on the drape, experts believe his conservative religious views likely spurred the decision.
The source says that Janet Jackson's new drape will cost roughly $1000 and is made of space-age fabric, which will allow the pop star to continue her famous dance routines without fear of showing any unintended skin to the world.
Democratic presidential candidates responded with criticism of the decision. At a speech in Oklahoma, Senator John Kerry said, "I led the fight in the Senate against the subsidies for those drapes, and I think it may be curtains for that particular incident." General Wesley Clark told supporters in New Mexico that "in the Army, we didn't worry about drapes, we worried about results." And Governor Howard Dean reminded Arizona voters that "Unlike the Washington politicians, I'm the only candidate running who's ever actually pulled a drape down from a statue."
A Jackson spokeswoman told Campaign Treehouse reporters to stop hovering around the singer's house in hopes that they could play Justin Timberlake in a reprise of last night's performance.
