Hello again, mail fans, from the desk of Dave. You may have noticed my extensive hiatus, and there's a good explanation for that. I don't want to get into too many details here, but about 4 months ago, I was drugged in a Holiday Inn bar in Manitoba and I woke up in a Brazilian cocaine farm. Forced to toil 14-hour days under the blazing Colombian sun, I survived only on wild rice, goat milk, and my will to someday return to the Living Indefinitely offices. Wait, hang on... I don't think that happened actually. But I WAS at a Holiday Inn bar, and I saw P-Nut from 311 punch Scott Stapp.
On to the mail!
Good day, commander,
Burns
Good Bye
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Burns
Jerold
Dear Jerold,
I wanna play, too!
Buirns
Buirns
Buirns
Buirns
Buirns
Buirns
Buirns...
Damn.
Dave
Hey, where have you guys been? There used to be all these new articles and now it sort of dried up. Hope you are OK and come back soon.
DJ
Michigan
Dear DJ,
Yeah, I think there's been some "retooling" here at LI. I went to the offices a few weeks ago, and my desk somehow accidentally got scooted over a few feet and into the men's room. I moved it back a couple times, but it keeps slipping back in there somehow when I come back the next day. I don't know, maybe the janitors are using a new floor wax. So being in the john all day, I'm not kept abreast of much at all, except for what Max Banner eats for dinner every night.
Dave
So... where'd all your articles go? Especially Max Banner (the best ones!)
Stephanie in Dayton
Dear Stephanie,
Thanks for writing, but it's like I said. My desk is in the bathroom now, so I don't know what goes on in everyone else's offices anymore. I mean, I'm not gonna complain or anything. It's just... I mean, I'm in a bathroom. I bust my ass trying to get ahead, and I'm in a damn bathroom. But whatever, I don't really care.
Dave
Dear Dave,
Is the site dead? I need my Mailbag fix! And my Green Lake fix! And a bad movie fix! Ok I am a little addicted.
Sincerely,
Webcrawler4701
Dear Webcrawler4701,
Thanks for writing - it's ok to be addicted, I'm actually addicted to Vicodin, Percoset, and a rather expensive bear tranquilizer. So you're probably better off being addicted to Green Lake. But like I was saying, my desk... I just can't believe I'm in a fucking... SOMEONE IS SHITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Do we have a vent? No, apparently our building was made before scientists found out that SHIT STINKS. Oh my God, this guy isn't even gonna wash his hands. Great, touch the door handle now so I can get whatever rare form of Lupus you have, buddy.
Thanks.
Dave
help
roger
Dear roger,
That's it. Stevo just clogged the toilet, and now he's walking away all casual like he doesn't notice it. I'm punching out, this day is over.
Dave
