Good Tire-Alignment Services, Bad Gum

Dave,
I hope your head's not hurting too much when you read this! :)
Gigi Watson-Taylor

Dear Gigi,
Thanks. I woke up this morning on the floor of a 7/11 with a Mexican clerk kicking me in the ribs and yelling something about leaving before the cops come or whatever. My mom thinks I should stop drinking, but she doesn't know the pressures I face each day. Those parking tickets aren't going to write themselves!



Dear Dave
Where is Green Lake exactly cause you guys never say the state.
Joe in Minnesota

Dear Joe,
Green Lake doesn't exist in an actual state, it exists inside each one if us that reads the column. You have to find the Green Lake inside yourself. Way to miss the boat on that one, idiot.



Dave,
How come there are so many Carlsons on this site? Is this like a family business or something?
Reggie Davis
Missouri

Dear Reggie,
Family business? I don't know what you're talking about... ah... I'm just a meter maid and, Brady, well - he, uh, runs the waste management... um... You don't know who you're messing with here! Stay out of the family affairs if you know what's good for you!



Good music and bad movies- what a great idea for a site!
Deborah
Passaic, NJ

Dear Deborah,
Thanks, sister. The original format was slated to discuss good tire-alignment services and bad gum, but we weren't getting the readers. Did we sell out? Sure. Do we care? Not when the checks come in.



Dear Dave,
We love Max Banner's column, but what is he, an Active Member or what? And shouldn't your mom get to be one now that she's helped you with the mail?
Trevor + Rich
NYC 4 life

Dear Trevor and Rich,
Max Banner sweeps up around the office, cleans the footprints off Brady's Executive Planner and runs other odd jobs for us. As for my mom, we're hesitant to put her on payroll, because we'll get bumped into another tax bracket. And I already asked her, and she won't work for gravel.



Wow that Max Banner really knows what he's talking about!
You guys at Living Indefinitely are lucky to have him on your staff.
Mike in Illinois

Dear Mike,
Mike! Mikeeeee!!! Woooo!!! Oh shit, man, I haven't talked to you in a while, dude! What ever happened to that hooker in Vegas? Did she end up waking up? Oh fuck, that was messed-up, man! Ha ha! Wait, this is Mike Parker, right?



I like the new look of the site.
Joe Joe the Monkey Boy, on the road

Dear Joe Joe,
Yeah, we're really pleased with the new site design over here. We had, like, 60 Taiwanese children pulling 16 hour days for a month getting that design down, but it was worth it. Those kids work for like a dollar an hour, so I use them for everything now. I got ten of 'em washing my car right now, it's a sweet deal - I get a clean car and they get their shoes back.