Here I Mail Again, On My Own...

Dear Dave,
I took Max Banner's advice about the fiddle player and my heating bill went UP, not down. What happened?
Jake
Denver, CO

Dear Jake,

Check the nationality of your fiddle player. Is he Canadian? If not, you'll want to send your fiddle player back, and hopefully you still have the receipt. Then, go to www.canadaisforlovers.com and purchase an authentic Canadian fiddle player straight from the beautiful Northwoods. Sexual Orientation is negligible.



Hey, nice site. Are you guys gonna do a blog anytime soon?
See ya,
Bo

Dear Bo,

I'm not too sure about blogs. My cousin Lunchbox used to have a blog, and in one of his entries he admitted to having relations with a Rhesus monkey. 6 months and $500 later, he's still picking up trash along the highway. Actually, that was for trespassing in a zoo.



I'M VOTING FOR MIKE O IN NOVEMBER!!! O IN 04!
Dan
Wisconsin

Dear Dan,

Good for you! Everyone here at the LI camp is backing Mike O 100%. Actually, Stevo keeps saying he's going to write in Richie Sambora, but he doesn't usually end up voting anyway.



Dear Dave,
I thought the Killer Tomatoes was actually a pretty good bad movie. Maybe you didn't see Return of the Killer Tomatoes, which has George Clooney in it!
Jana
Portland

Dear Jana,

I agree, Killer Tomatoes was a great bad movie, only to be outdone by it's aptly titled sequel. You're keen to point out George Clooney's electrifying performance, but did you know the fourth tomato is actually Soleil Moon Frye in a beanbag? Man, she's really filled out since Punky Brewster.



Dear Dave,
How could you guys not love LOTR! Those movies ruled, baby! May you be slain by an orc!
Mrs. Frodo, Middle-Earth

Dear Mrs. Frodo,

Give me a break, Lord of the Rimjobs was as predictable as it was boring. The characters we sorely underdeveloped and Jenna Jameson turned out one of her dryest performances to date. I give it 1 1/2 socks.