Now here's a little story I like to tell, about 3 mailbags you know so well...

Dear Dave,

Your site should not support the Democrats like you do, because they're exactly the same as the Republicans. The two-party duopoly is enslaving us and must end! Ralph Nader knows that the media will control your lives if you support the Democratic-Republican party!

(no name)

Dear (no name),

I don't know what you're talking about. The last time I was involved in a two-party duopoly, I was making a movie and it was ONLY to help pay for college.

Dear Dave,

Fox Cat Food is "Fair and balanced" cat food, is that like with the right kind of vitamins? Sweet. I'll get some for my cat.

Darius in Michigan

Dear Darius in Michigan,

Fox Cat Food is, in fact, fair AND balanced. And I know this firsthand after doing extensive market research on my own time. Ok, I came home drunk last weekend and ate three bags before I realized it wasn't Grape Nuts.

Dave,

What's up? I like when you guys do funny stuff on your site. It's pretty great. Like the one thing with all the jokes about the presidetn but y know he's really pretty cool I guess so that's cool too. Thanks.

DK

Dear DK,

GWB is definitely cool, but not in a "Leonardo DiCaprio" kind of way. Well maybe so, but more like Leonardo DiCaprio when he was in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape."

Dear Living Indefinately, so you got rid of your Howard Dean sign. Where is your John Kerry sign? He's the candidate now cause he beat Howard Dean so go KERRY!

Jim the Kerry Voter in Florida

Dear Jim the Kerry Voter in Florida,

We had one here the other day, but I saw Brady sliding down the parking lot, using it like a sled. The weird thing is that it's August, and there hasn't been snow for months.

So Dave,

If you were a square on the Monopoly board, what would you be? I'm Kentucky Avenue I think but I could be wrong.

Jenna

Dear Jenna,

You are wrong, but you're close. If you were a square, you'd be Indiana Avenue. Personally, I'd be "The Peach Pit," but it only works in 90210 Monopoly.