RAW IS ATLANTA!

Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria
Quasi-preview for Survivor Series as it will be Smackdown vs. Raw divas in a traditional Survivor Series match-up. Kelly uses her educated feet to hit a headscissors and elbow charge in the corner. Victoria takes over though and hits a BIG backbreaker. VINTAGE HERCULES HERNANDEZ! Victoria slams Kelly for 2 then misses the side slam AND KELLY ROLLS HER UP FOR THE PIN!

Kelly Kelly, 1/2 baconator

Afterward, Victoria jumps Kelly and brings her back into the ring for the widow's peak! BUT HERE COME THE RAW DIVAS! Even heelish Beth Phoenix comes out to punish Victoria.

More traditional Survivor Series matches! Team HBK vs. Team JBL! Team Batista vs. Team Orton!

THE ANIMAL IS OUT! DAVE!

Batista vs. Manu
If Fatu and Samu make a run-in, I WILL need to change my pants. We do get a shot of Afa & Sika in action so I am right on the edge. Randall is out to watch from the ramp while Cody watches from ringside. Batista grabs a headlock and a shoulder block but HE IS NO MATCH FOR SAMOAN POWER! SAMOAN DROP! A one-legged drop kick gets 2 but a snap mare and the SAMOAN NERVE PINCH IS LOCKED IN! Batista escapes and sends Manu into the corner but Manu battles back. I will say that Dave is doing his best to make the kid look good. A flying headbutt gets 2

Batista hulks up and NAILS the spinebuster but Manu counters out of a Batista Bomb attempt. That doesn't last long though as a spear and Batista Bomb connect for the pin soon after. Nice little match.

Batista, 1.5 baconators

After the match, Cody Rhodes stands on the apron as Dave challenges him to come in. Cody politely declines and leaves with Manu.

DAVE IS ON THE STICK! For three years he's had to listen to Randall badmouth him and Evolution and he's wanted to whoop his ass. This Sunday he finally gets to do it. Orton should stop worrying about John Cena and worry about what Batista is going to do to him at Survivor Series. ANIMALS DON'T LIE!

Stephanie is out in her glasses to welcome Chief Jay Strongbow to the Atlanta audience. Wow he's gotten old but then again haven't we all?

Backstage, Randall degrades Cody for backing away from a fight with Batista. Cody tells him that he should just continue to talk because that's what he is best at. Damn.

Todd Grisham introduces a video montage of vanilla midget Evan Bourne. His widdle ankle got hurt but he's still here to earn his paycheck while on crutches. He starts to talk but Grizzly Adams...oh wait that's Mike Knox...comes out and looks down at Bourne then walks off.

Backstage, Rey and Shawn run into one another. Shawn says this is their first tag match together and says he's nervous. Rey says they'll take it step by step OOOOOOOO BABY. They run into Dolph Zigler back from his wellness policy suspension and HBK BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL! OMG HE IS TALKING RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA!

Miz & Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio & Shawn Michaels
Shawn and Rey get the teamwork rolling and Morrison suffers the consequences. An early 6-1-9 attempt gets halted by the Miz but then HBK takes him out and Rey nails Morrison to the outside. THESE YOUNGSTERS ARE GOING CRAZY!

Back from commercial, Shawn and Miz are going at it in the ring. Rey gets the tag and Miz works the resthold like a real pro. Morrison gets the tag and a tilt-a-whirl gutbuster gets two and Miz comes back in to and a standing legdrop gets two.

Rey gets the kick to the head and slowly...tries..to..get..to..the..corner. THE HOT TAG TO HBK! MICHAELS IS CLUBBERIN! Michaels drops the elbow from the top on the Miz. Cole: Vintage Shawn Michaels!!! Miz ducks the Sweet Chin Music and HBK tries to get the figure-four on to no avail. The clusterfuck continues! Rey nails Miz with the 6-1-9 and MORRISON HITS THE SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON MICHAELS! Miz falls on top of Shawn for the upset special.

Miz and Morrison, 2.5 baconators

Cena video montage. I'm going for a diet root beer.

Back from getting my root beer and Kane and JBL are talking backstage. JBL says they are compatible and Kane disagrees. JBL helps people with money while Kane finds victims to attach CAR BATTERIES TO THEIR GENITALS! YES!

Cryme Tyme vs. JBL & Kane
JBL and JTG start things out and Shad gets the tag and some double-teaming unfolds AS THE CROWD GOES APATHETIC! You can seriously hear a pin drop as I write this. I blinked for a second and I see JBL nailing the clotheslines from Hades for the pin.

JBL & Kane, 0 baconators

Backstage, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne are talking AND MIKE KNOX DESTROYS KOFI OUT OF NOWHERE! He stares down over Evan Bourne and casually picks up his crutch and SMASHES IT OVER THE WIDDLE ANKLE! Bourne whimpers exactly like a vanilla midget would.

William Regal vs. Matt Hardy
I dig Regal's whole look. The robe, the tights, the hair. He takes the microphone before the match and puts America down while hyping the UK before Hardy comes out. CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION!

Regal misses a European uppercut and Hardy gets a backslide off the miss for two. They head to the ringside area and continue keeping one another outside the ring until they get the AMAZINGLY CHEAP COUNT-OUT.

Double Countout, 0 baconators

After the match, they continue to clubber until the cadre of refs get between them. Is this the making of a future feud? I could possibly get into that.

Lumberjack match: Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Collar and elbow tie-up goes nowhere. The irresistible force meeting the immovable object! Randall and Punk trade some offense and two-counts until Punk's EDUCATED FEET get the best of him. Orton gets thrown to the ring ad the face lumberjacks let him have it including Dave! Orton gets back in and gets Punk near the ropes, where Mark Henry pulls CM to ringside and the heels and faces stare off! Henry agrees to get Punk back in the ring...by force.

Randall takes advantage and gets Punk into the CHINLOCK OF DOOM! VINTAGE RANDALL ORTON! Randall continues to stay ahead until Punk nails a nice swinging neckbreaker and THE EDUCATED FEET ARE IN! KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD FOR TWO! Punk hits a knee lift and bulldog for two. Punk goes to the GTS but Ortons counters out. Randall slithers on the ring waiting...RKO gets blocked and Punk drop kicks Randall to the outside. The Miz and Morrison begin to help Orton and Punk flies off the top to take them all out!

Punk gets back in and Orton makes his way back in not far behind. William Regal distracts Punk for just a moment but it's enough for Randall to hit the RKO out of nowhere.

Randy Orton, 3 baconators

After the match, a MAJOR clusterfuck with all the lumberjacks gets going as we fade to black.

The Bottom Line: A pretty blah Raw going into one of the Big Four pay-per-views of the year. The Survivor Series card has a lot of potential though and I am going in with an open mind.

I've been crying my eyes out since Mike Adamle resigned as Raw General Manager. I can't look at Batista without saying "Call him Dave!, dammit!" And Smackdown's main event brought me to tears, thinking of how a WW superstar like Jeff Harvey would never have been able to pin the Undertaker without Captain Mike's encouragement.

But that isn't even the worst part. WWE didn't just make Adamle resign; they killed him! And then they reanimated his corpse for a photo shoot. Zombie Mike Adamle: it's not just a Dusty Rhodes angle anymore!

We'll never forget you, Mike - me, FMAD, The Tazz, Michael Mike the Miz, Jeff Harvey, or anyone else who loves the WEDF.

Last Monday, Chris Jericho took the Big Gold Belt away from Batista in one of the worst booked steel cage matches in recent memory. Also, Mike Adamle announced his resignation as Raw General Manager. What will happen this week? IT'S TIME TO PLAY RAW MEAT! We are coming to you LIVE (on DVR) from Great Britain!!!

Curtain Jerker Interview
THE ANIMAL IS OUT! Dave's latest title reign lasted eight days and a lot of people are saying it was wrong to have Jericho drop the belt but I think there's something else going on and a long-term plan has been set in motion.

Batista wants his rematch and Stephanie McMahon ad her cleavage come up on the Titan Tron. She says it's not possible because Chris Jericho will go on to Survivor Series to face John Cena but Dave will get another title match after the Thanksgiving tradition. She says that a new era is starting on Raw in the post-Adamle era and they are gonna blow off some feuds (though she uses the word "closure"). She announces Kane/Rey Mysterio in a no-DQ match and Jericho/Michaels in a Last Man Standing match. She thanks the WWE fans and Dave for being so understanding.

CUE RANDALL BORETON! EVOLUTION CLASH! Orton says that Dave will have to wait in line because after Cena, Orton's next because he's better than Dave. Randall was kicked out of Evolution because of his success and Batista can't beat him. Dave looks like Tony Soprano listening to a Paulie Walnuts story, which is a great look for him. Batista says that he's been better than Randall in every way and they have a score to settle. Tonight Orton vs. Batista! Randall agrees and gets a jab in about Batista's short title reign AND THE CROWD CHANTS R-K-O! ORTONMANIA IS ALIVE IN THE UNITED KINGDOM!

Intercontinental Title Match: Santino Marella vs. William Regal
Santino says he's done away with the Honk-A-Meter because he's got something better...THE HONK-A-PERFECT-MOUNTIE METER! The combined reigns were 123 weeks and Santino is in at 13 weeks AND THE CROWD POPS HARD AND A "SANTINO" CHANT ERUPTS! Two years and four months he's going to break that record. Santino riffs on Regal's "Jonas Brothers haircut" (HA) and the 2008 King of the Ring is out.

Ohh they are going old school and doing the intros with both of them in the ring. Regal gets the homer pop as you would imagine from this crowd. Santino also gets a good pop and there's a "Santino Marella For Prime Minister" sign in the crowd.

Collar-and-elbow tie up leads to Regal shipping Santino into the corner and following up with an elbow and nasty big knee to the head FOR THE PIN?!?!?! They just had a title change hands in a squash match. Damn.

William Regal, 0 baconators [WAY too short for a rating]

Michael Cole is in the ring to interview Regal. Regal will wear the title with the pride and dignity of an Englishman and proud to take the spirit of everyone in the United Kingdom around the world. He's a loyal subject to Her Majesty, Queen Latifah, and honored to be Intercontinental Champion.

Backstage, KANE is menacingly looking into the slo-mo cam. He hopes to see more of Stephanie and Shane McMahon...probably some car batteries hooked up to testicles will be involved.

D'lo Brown vs. Mike Knox
Couldn't they put this on Velocity or Jakked or Heat? What, those shows are off the air you say? Bah.

Knox goes to work on D'lo in the corner and hits a big knee lift. Brown is dazed and eats a big boot and some kind of suplex slam finisher for the pin.

Mike Knox, 0 baconators [squash]

This April, WrestleMania 25 comes to Texas! I will be there YES WE CAN!

Backstage, Beth finds Santino playing on his cell phone. She asks if he's going to be okay and Santino says he never should have had to defend his title tonight. Santino went off on Shane so Shane is making Beth wrestle Mickie James tonight. Beth is not a happy camper and destroys the cell phone to make her point clear. Hot.

A John Cena video airs. He's coming back at Survivor Series don'tcha know.

Chris Jericho is out! He runs down John Cena then Shawn Michaels then the fans of the WWE universe. I will say that the Big Gold Belt looks great on him. He says he'll show the world at the Survivor Series that not every story has a happy ending.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio
Rey and Kane BE CLUBBERIN out on the floor! Kane can't get Rey into the ringpost so Rey hits a moonsault and climbs into the ring to play to the crowd.

Back from a commercial break, Kane has taken the advantage over Rey as they are both inside the ring. Kane is just manhandling Mysterio until Rey hits a headscissors BUT THE 6-1-9 DOES NOT CONNECT. Kane just throws Rey into the plastic guardrail and that does not give at all. Kane works the arm but Rey is able to get away and hit a bulldog BUT takes a big boot for 2. Kane starts taking the turnbuckle off one of the corners but can't nail the powerbomb. Rey escapes and go to the top rope for an aerial assault. They go back to the ringside area and Kane removes one of the mats to expose the concrete floor but can't keep his hands on that slippery luchador. Rey hits a DDT and gets Kane into the ring...for two. Rey gets Kane in position...AND HITS THE 6-1-9! Rey splashes Kane BUT KANE PICKS HIM UP BY THE THROAT! Rey pushes Kane into the exposed turnbuckle and a odd looking Lou Thesz Press from the top gets the pin. Terrible end to a feud that never lived up to its potential.

Rey Mysterio, 1.5 baconators

Backstage, Manu and Cody Rhodes are talking to Randall. They remember Orton attacking Ted Dibiase last week when Dibiase came after CM Punk during his match against Randall. Orto says that neither of them are in his league AND WE HAVE MULTI-GENERATION SUPERSTARS ALMOST COLLIDE!

Batista vs. Randy Orton
Before they can clash, Cody Rhodes and Manu come out with scowls on their face. Cody takes the stick and says that he can't beat Cody and he can't beat Batista but Cody can. RING THE BELL? Cody has a death wish apparently.

Cody goes to Batista's injured knee but Dave works him over with that power offense. Batista can't hit the Batista Bomb and Cody begins to work Dave's injured leg. That doesn't go well and Cody takes a clothesline in the corner but uses a drop toehold to get the advantage over his opponent. Once again that doesn't last long and Batista nails the spinebuster and shakes the ropes! VINTAGE ULTIMATE WARRIOR! Manu tries to interfere but gets knocked out and Cody takes the Batista Bomb for the job.

Batista, 1 baconator

Women's Title Match: Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James
Beth wastes no time in taking her anger out on Mickie. Beth tries to get a chicken wing but Mickie rolls out and gets 2. Mickie hits a drop kick for two then sends Beth into the corner to do some damage. Phoenix reverses a corner whip but can't capitalize as Mickie gets the best of her. Beth distracts the ref as Santino pulls Mickie off the top rope. Mickie knocks Santino down but that allows Beth to recover and push Mickie into the ringpost and bring her back into the ring for the win.

Beth Phoenix, 1/2 baconator

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Last Man Standing match, not one of my particular favorites but I suppose it will do. Just too much stalling and lack of action for my tastes.

Shawn starts off strong with some clubbering fists and a big clothesline. HBK brings a chop (WOOOOOOOOOO) and a flying jalapeno knocks Chris down. Michaels goes up down for the elbow drop VINTAGE HBK and Jericho brings his knees up. Jericho misses a modified Lionsault and falls to the floor. Michaels hits a crossbody off the ropes and rolls back into the ring while Jericho gets up at the referee's count of 6.

Both wrestlers out into the ringside area and HBK tries to prep the Sweet Chin Music but Jericho hits a bulldog on the ramp! They are going at it up near the entrance and Jericho's getting ready for something...as we go to commercial. AWESOME...pause...NOT.

Back from commercial, Jericho is working HBK over at the very top of the ramp where they have some British themed items such as a vintage car and red post office box...which Jericho gets slingshot into. They end up together on top of the car and HBK tries to nail a piledriver BUT JERICHO ESCAPES AND LOCKS IN THE WALLS OF JERICHO! Jericho dumbs Michaels off the top of the car..and HBK slowly gets up...and he makes it up at NINE AND THREE-QUARTERS! VINTAGE ROCKY BALBOA!

Michaels recovers and tosses Jericho off the ramp and onto the VICIOUS concrete below. Shawn takes control of the camera crane coincidentally right there and moves it over to knock out Jericho. Jericho barely stands and Shawn drags him back to ringside AND WE HAVE A LADDER SIGHTING. Michaels is taking the ladder out but Jericho is able to get a hold of it and punish the Heartbreak Kid. Cole calls him the "Headache Kid" after getting nailed in the noggin with it.

Shawn fights back and gets control of the ladder, throwing it at Jericho to knock him over. While Chris recovers, HBK starts to prep the announce table. Michaels places Jericho across the table and grabs the ladder! He climbs up top and THE BIG ELBOW CONNECTS THROUGH THE TABLE! MICHAELS HAS ELBOWED JERICHO STRAIGHT TO HELL!

The ref starts a double count and both Shawn and Jericho get to their feet and out of nowhere JBL attacks Michaels from ringside!!! Chris grabs the Big Gold Belt and clobbers Shawn with it. Shawn gets up at nine AND SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON JERICHO! JBL comes back out of nowhere at ringside and plasters Michaels with a steel chair and once again both men are down. Jericho gets to his feet in town but HBK can't answer the ten count.

Chris Jericho, 2.5 baconators

The Bottom Line: A lot of stuff going on tonight. They wanted to blow off some feuds and transition us into some new stuff. I believe they are using the Batista situation to lead to him costing Cena the match at Survivor Series and turning heel for the inevitable Cena/Batista match at WrestleMania. Shawn Michaels and JBL appear to be set to go and I am still not sure what they are going to do with Randall Orton and the second generation posse.

Good build-up for the next pay-per-view but the death of the Honk-A-Meter leaves me feeling hollow inside.

When we last checked in on the other trainwreck of a wrestling company, they'd just taken their world championship off of Samoa Joe the Bad Poet, and put it on part-time wrestler and full-time old guy Sting, thanks to a completely unexpected SWERVE by Kevin Nash, which launched the exciting Old Rich Guys Fight Vanilla Midgets angle that Vince Russo wanted to use in WCW but bankrupted the company before he could finish. Also, Kurt Angle got hit with a board a lot so SUICIDE could debut, but SUICIDE got hurt so now Jeff Jarrett hits him with guitars and they make fun of their marriages, or something. In other words, things are looking up AND making lots of sense. This, my peoples, is a company on solid ground.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, this is a company that's knocked the grizzled carcass of WCW off its ground and said "we don't have Billy Kidman to stop us this time." So along with the SWERVES and hilarious backstage sketches and the incomprehensible gimmicks and the innumerable things left on poles for wrestlers to get, we've now learned that Sting, the company's World Champion, is on the verge of retirement and that Mick Foley fears for his life around Kurt Angle, and Scott Steiner is back so everyone is legitimately in danger, and Derek Jeter visited the Impact Zone and will probably be X-Division Champ by the weekend.

Oh, and by the way, Mick Foley is loopy as a loon according to none other than his best buddy Terry Funk:

I remember when we were in Japan, he went ahead and this one Japanese guy came up to me. He said, “Oh, Lookey here.” He’s got his clothes on but he’s got Mick Foley’s underwear on. I said “Where did you get those?” He said “Mick Foley, he sell to me.” Hell, Mick sold him his underwear for 3,000 yen, $20 or $30 bucks or something like that.

So watch for Kurt Angle to fight Sting in a Mick Foley's Underwear ON A POLE retirement match COMING TO THE IMPACT ZONE

Dedicated to the memory of Special Delivery Jones.

Welcome to RAW IS FMAD! Last night at Cyber Sunday with special referee Stone Cold Steve Austin and shenanigans galore, Chris Jericho lost the Big Gold Belt to Dave! What will happen TONIGHT?

Curtain Jerker Interview
Chris Jericho, the former champion, is out and he's hopping mad. Lillian introduces him as the former champion and Jericho calls his losing the biggest screwjob in WWE history. Was the Spider Lady involved? He blames Adamle, the fans, and Stone Cold for the conspiracy against him. He has a championship rematch clause and he will use it next week against Batista and there's nothing anyone can do about it...

THE GM IS OUT! Adamle tells Jericho to hang on. In order to ensure no outside interference, he's decided to make it a steel cage match next week for the gold! Jericho walks off and passes Randy Orton coming out to talk to the General Manager. Orton complains about getting stunned and calls it inexcusable. He couldn't defend himself properly and he won't let Adamle get away with this.

Randy asks Stephanie and Shane to come to Raw next week to fire Mike Adamle, or he's going to walk out AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! ORTON IS THE THIRD MAN WITH HALL AND NASH! Randall calls Adamle a failure at everything including being a husband and father. ADAMLE HITS ORTON! Randy walks out instead of putting his hands on the GM.

Tag Title Match: CM Punk & Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes (c)
Rhodes and Kofi start but Punk is tagged in quick and starts to work over Cody. Rhodes gets the lukewarm tag to Dibiase and Punk works a headlock. Dibiase escapes and starts clubberin' until a corner charge goes wrong and Punk hits the crossbody. AND ITS A PIER SIX BRAWL! THE PUNK PLUNGE TAKES OUT RHODES AND DIBIASE ON THE OUTSIDE!

Back from commercial, Punk and Rhodes are going at it and Cody hits a Ukrainian Leg Sweep for the two-count. Punk gets the HOT TAG to the controlled frenzy of Kofi Kingston! Kofi tries to go up top but gets pulled down by Dibiase while Rhodes distracts the referee. Rhodes starts to work Kofi over on the outside. Cole keeps on calling Punk and Kingston the "dynamic duo". Who is who then exactly?

Dibiase gets the tag and Kofi continues to play face in peril. The heels double-team Kingston and the crowd is starting to get behind Kofi! Kofi tries to get away to make the tag but no dice. Rhodes is back in and won't let Kofi get the tag UNTIL THE BIG COUNTER AND PUNK IS TAGGED IN! He's all over the place Dibiase misses the leg sweep! THE GO TO SLEEP! HISTORY IN THE MAKING!

CM Punk and Kofi Kingston, 2.5 baconators

Special Guest Commentators come out! Roddy Piper! Goldust! THE HONKY TONK MAN! Beth got Santino dq'd last night so he's still the IC champion.

Santino wants to say two things. First, UNLEASH THE HONK-A-METER! ELEVEN WEEKS! In one week...and one year...Santino will catch Honky. Santino says looking at the three men he wants to tell women out there that this is what happens when you do drugs when you're pregnant.

IC Title Match: Santino Marella vs. Charlie Haas
CHARLIE HAAS AS BETH PHOENIX! THE GLAMAHAAS! Goldust: "I don't like crossdressers." Santino attacks Haas from behind and throws him outside to the announce table and slaps the Honky Tonky Man! Piper and Goldust block one way so Santino goes the other way AND EATS THE GUITAR SHOT FROM HONKY!

No Contest, No Baconators

Back from commercial, Michael Cole is in the ring to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion DAVE! Cole congratulates Batista and the new champion feels good. He shares his win with the WWE universe. He isn't concerned about his title reign being short-lived. "Steel cage match? That's what I do." Jericho will have no excuses and Dave will still be World Heavyweight Champion.

Kelly Kelly, Candice, & Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall, Layla, and Katie Lea
Kelly pins Katie after a K-2. The usual Diva stuff.

Kelly, Candice, and Mickie, 1 baconator

Backstage, JBL is ready to talk. He's all about business and Shawn Michaels cost him the chance at a shot at the Big Gold Belt. Tonight Shawn will pay for crossing JBL.

Rey Mysterio vs. Evan Bourne
The two start out with some high-flyingness and chants of Let's Go Evan erupt! They trade headscissors and a few more moves. They're in a stalemate.

Back from commercial, Rey Rey has taken control. Rey slips on the ropes and they improvise well. Bourne and Rey continue to trade high-risk moves. Rey gets him in position and 6-1-9 TO A MONSTER POP! Bourne is able to block the West Coast Pop but Rey counters into a roll-up for the pin!

Rey Mysterio, 2 baconators

AND THE BIG RED MACHINE IS OUT! Kane goes after Rey and GOES AFTER THE MASK! Bourne comes to Rey's aid and they start double-teaming Kane AND MARK HENRY IS OUT! He catches Bourne in midair and runs him right into the ringpost. Rey eats a chokeslam from Kane while Bourne gets World's Strongest Slam'd.

Miz and Morrison are out after the commercial and announce they will be facing Degeneration X next week. I can only root for a squash to end all squashes.

Chris Jericho & JBL vs. Shawn Michaels & Batista
After Jericho's intro they cut to the back where JBL is DESTROYING Shawn Michaels. Bradshaw walks out followed by Batista and they announce that Michaels is out for this match. TWO ON ONE ACTION!

Bradshaw starts it off with Dave and JBL works him over before tagging in Jericho. Jericho eats a hot clothesline but recovers after working over Batista's bad knee. Bradshaw is back in AND DAVE GOES AFTER BOTH MEN!

After the commercial, Jericho is working Dave over inside the ring. JBL gets the tag. Neckbreaker and elbow drop gets two. JBL distracts the ref while Jericho chokes Dave out. Dave blocks a move off the top with a clothesline and JBL gets the tag AND THE SLEEPER HOLD IS NO GOOD! BATISTA IS ON FIRE! Jericho is in and a Batista Bomb is BLOCKED INTO A CODEBREAKER FOR TWO!

JBL is tagged back in and CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL NO GOOD! SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! AND SHAWN MICHAELS IS BACK FROM HIS BEATDOWN! HBK GETS THE TAG....AND THE REF DIDN'T SEE IT! Jericho misses whacking Batista with the title belt and BATISTA BOMB TO JBL! 1-2-3!

Batista and Shawn Michaels, 2 baconators

The Bottom Line: Mediocre episode of Raw. I know they were training Adamle to wrestle but would they really put him in there with Randy Orton? I see Jericho getting the title back from Dave then moving onto a feud with John Cena.

Wrestling news that is "going rogue" according to senior advisors:

*Crazy Vince McMahon and his energy drinks have banned the term "sports entertainment." Hooray! We're supposed to refer to Randy Orton promos, Mark Henry title reigns and Triple H never being caught in a vulnerable or defenseless position "entertainment." Boo! Since "sports entertainment" was to be used instead of wrestling, shouldn't the company now be called World Entertainment Entertainment, or WEE?

*Jerry Lawler has genuinely entertained Memphis audiences for 35 years, and his reward is that he has to wrestle Snitsky. Entertainment!

*Kevin Nash was all set to return to WEE and hurt himself each time he got in the ring to entertain, but his wife sat him down and said, "Dude, you're Kevin Nash, you're allergic to work" and he was like "oh yeah, I'll re-sign with TNA."

*SUICIDE, the wrestler who couldn't wait to get the people who did this to him, will now wait a few months to get the people who did this to him.

*The Hulkster is teaming up with the National Indian Gaming Association, which will turn on him and start a big feud leading up to the pay per view. Actually, they're making a slot machine "based on the adventures of the iconic superstar," so if you ever wanted to drop coins into a machine that produces reality shows starring Todd Bridges, or features daughter Brooke's insights into politics, here's your chance.

*Kevin Eck interviewed Bruno Sammartino and Bruno put him in a front facelock, which Kevin will use as a reason to turn heel on Bruno next time they meet and proclaim himself the new Living Legend.

*Is there some reason the world needs a lucha libre mask for the Obama campaign?

Finally the wrestling community has begun standing up to the antics of Hamburglar, and what better way to kick off the anti-Hamburglar movement than Trish Stratus writing a haiku for Burger King!

Do yoga, eat meat
Stratusfaction guaranteed
Do your body good

It's ok, I guess - certainly not as good as "My Love Letter To Hunter" but it's not without its charm. But it's not really about the art, it's about standing up to Hamburglar. And in that spirit I've written my own haiku, which I hope will strike a blow against Hamburglar's anti-Wrestlingism and keep some of our people safe:

Slap poor Brian Blair,
Hit Kurt Angle with a board,
But don't spike Jake's drink

Take that, Hamburglar!

RAW IS CORPUS CHRISTI!

Interview: Chris Jericho
Jericho makes Lillian introduce him as the World Heavyweight Champion and the crowd breaks into a heated "You Suck" chant. Jericho berates Lillian and goes into a lecture on disrespect spreading like a virus. The fans think he's going to lose at Cyber Sunday and tangents into an anti-Mike Adamle spiel. Try to stay on point, Chris, geez louise. He tries to make it sound like Stone Cold Steve Austin is the worst possible choice thereby tipping WWE's hand on who they want to see get picked.

THE ANIMAL IS OUT! Dave gets a big pop and laughs about Jericho's demand for respect. "Let me tell you what's ridiculous about that, besides your hair." OH SNAP. If Jericho does win at Cyber Sunday he will gain a lot of people's respect but until then shut it or DAVE! will shut it for him.

MIKE ADAMLE IS OUT! HE'S GOT THE CLIPBOARD OF DOOM! He creates a "gauntlet match" where Jericho and Batista will face the same three opponents tonight. An Adamle original stolen from TNA!

They recap Haas Hogan from last week and yes that was awesome, particularly Lawler's commentary.

JBL vs. Stone Cold Steve HAAUSTIN!
Charlie Haas is doing Stone Cold tonight and he looks great in the skull cap. "Austin" chant breaks out YES! JBL grabs the stick.

"You've got to be kidding me."
"What?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"What?"

Haas flubs one of the most well-known catchphrases in wrestling history and the announce crew can't keep it together.

LOU THESZ PRESS! Lawler is doing his best JR imitation and the crowd is eating this up with a BIG chant for Haas. Haas misses the Stunner and gets nailed with a big and the Clothesline From Hell for the pin.

JBL, 1/2 baconator

After the match, JBL grabs the mic. "And that is the bottom line because JBL said so." Are they really trying to set up an Austin-Bradshaw feud? Hmmm.

Rey Mysterio vs. Snitsky
Snitsky rocks the big man offense until he gets caught up in the ropes and Rey uses his quickness advantage. Headscissors into the 6-1-9 that connects and a springboard splash for the pin.

Rey Mystery, 1/2 baconator

John Morrison & The Miz vs. CM Punk & Kofi Kingston
Morrison and Miz say they are better than the Freebirds, Legion of Doom, and make fun of D-X. Yeah that'll end well for them.

Punk and Morrison start off but Miz gets into the action soo enough and Punk nails him before getting the tag to Kofi. Kofi works the arm and the Miz gets away but eats a drop kick for his troubles. Punk is back in as they work over Miz as they should. Michael Cole says that Punk was a maverick during his title reign?!?! A MAVERICK? I know who's paying Cole tonight. Some double-team action sends Miz and Morrison to ringside.

Miz continues to play heel in peril, getting worked over by Punk and Kofi. Miz finally gets the upper hand and makes the tag to Morrison. Morrison works over Kofi with fists and a nice northern lights suplex for two. Morrison grabs the resthold du match as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, the resthold is still in place until...finally...Kofi gets the hot tag to Punk! High knee! Bulldog! CM PUNK IS ROLLING?!?! He's straight edge, Cole. Punk picks up Morrison and doesn't see Miz make the tag and catches him by surprise for the pin.

Miz and Morrison, 1.5 baconators

Backstage, Jericho is bitching to Adamle. He should be in the same league as Buddy Rodgers, Harley Race, Hulk Hogan, and Bret Hart. He wants respect. Adamle says that's what he is doing with this gauntlet match tonight.

SANTINO IS OUT! He's dressed up as all three of his potential opponents! He's wearing the Goldust make-up, the Piper attire, and an Elvis wig and guitar. Awesome.

Santino says that choosing his opponent is difficult but he's going to make it easy. All three of his opponents are one in the same: they're all washed up. "Two words for you Rodney the piper: Sugar free." Awesome. He says that Goldust turned the American Dream into a nightmare. KAYFABE FOR GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE! As for "The Honky Tonky Man", he's obsessed with pork and made a career impersonating "The King" and not you Jerry "Stupid" Lawler.

HOOOOOOOOOO! JIM DUGGAN!! Santino says Hacksaw could use a warm meal and a bus ticket to somewhere. The crowd breaks into a LOUD U-S-A chant! Duggan says Santino's on his last minute of his 15 minutes of fame. Santino is confused. Duggan's been around and seen a lot of flashes in the pan and Santino's the flashiest. He doesn't appreciate him disrespecting his generation.

Santino asks why Duggan's so angry...BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A HONK-A-METER! YES YES YES YES YES! TEN WEEKS! "Remember when you were Intercontinental Champion...NOT!" OH YES YES!

Duggan calls Beth Phoenix Santino's boyfriend. She comes after him and Duggan says, "Take it easy...TOUGH GUY!" Tremendous. Santino has Beth hold the guitar and Santino strips down to his wrestling tights for a match! Duggan turns around AND IT'S THE GUITAR SHOT FROM PALERMO! Santino and Beth leave Duggan in the ring and Santino's bleeding from the mouth something fierce, got hit with some wood when the guitar broke but he did his shot like a pro.

Cryme Tyme vs. Dibiase & Rhodes
Rhodes, Dibiase, and Manu attack Cryme Tyme before the bell even starts and it's just an old-fashioned assault.

Gauntlet Match
The first opponent for Batista and Jericho is William Regal. Batista will wrestle first then Jericho. Regal starts to work over Batista but a spinebuster and a quick DAVE BOMB FOR THE PIN. Jericho screams for Batista to leave the ring and for the ref to get Regal on his feet. Regal FINALLY gets up and eats a codebreaker for the very quick pin. Way to job out Regal like that.

The second opponent is Mark Henry and Jericho starts it off. Jericho goes right to work but Henry fires back. He misses a corner charge but Jericho can't get the Walls Of Jericho on. Henry manhandles Jericho in the corner but misses a splash and a Lionsault gets two. While the referee is distracted fixing a turnbuckle, Jericho runs out and nails Henry with the big gold belt. The ref turns around in the nick of time and Jericho gets DQ'd. Batista comes in and takes advantage of a wobbly Henry with a big spinebuster for the pin.

The third opponent is Kane. Jericho is going to start things off. Jericho works Kane in the corner but Kane responds back with the big right hand. Jericho goes downstairs and can't get the Walls of Jericho on AGAIN! The Big Red Machine hits a clothesline and side slam but misses an elbow drop. CODEBREAKER BLOCKED! Kane up to the top rope but Jericho jumps up and shakes the ropes. Jericho tries an unadvised superplex that gets blocked and Kane hits the top rope clothesline FOR TWO AND A HALF! Jericho battles out of the chokeslam and escapes outside. Kane gets the boot to the skull for the pin. Now Batista is in and SPEAR FOR THE PIN!

The Bottom Line: Jobbing out Jericho the past couple of weeks can only mean he retains at Cyber Sunday THIS SUNDAY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! I hope Santino faces the Honky Tonky Man and those are the only matches I'm really looking forward to.

Not a great way to promote a pay-per-view, not a great episode of Raw.

Wrestling news that will buy equity shares in the nation's largest banks:

*As you probably know by now, Lance Cade had some sort of seizure brought on by "personal demons" and is out of WWE. I know, you're thinking "Hamburglar," but I think it was actually brought on by reading Freddie Prinze's blog about C.M. Punk, which certainly could induce seizures:

I don't care what business you are in, when you live that structured and disciplined a life, you mainly run SOLO. You learn very early on in life how to rely on NO ONE but yourself. That is spooky confidence building blocks right there. Because, other than sociopaths or police officers, firefighters,TOP athletes, risk associated lifestyles, very few people can live that difficult a life style. now remember i wrote the word sociopath, I ain't saying the man is going to go tony montana on the RAW roster but why would you want to push a dude like that?!

Remember, folks: this man writes television for a living.

*In case this blog is hurting your faith in humanity, let me point out that there is justice in the world! Shelly "Speedy Delivery" Martinez has taken the postage fee out of her "Win a Date With Salinas" auction on eBay. I'm totally taking credit for this.

*John Cena tells the Kiwis about his surgery and about how his awesomely named surgeon, Dr. Maroon, was like "Hey, man, I know surgery is done but let's hang out" and Cena was like, "um, sure" because he'll do anything for a fan and so Dr. Maroon will be his new manager when he comes back at Survivor Series. They're filming 20 vignettes to play during Smackdown where Edge and Triple H talk about how tough Dr. Maroon is and how everybody respects how hard he works.

*Retirement continues to go well for Ric Flair: "Flair was spotted wrestling a man in a bear suit at the EA (video game company) Los Angeles gym, according to Kotaku video game website." Limousine-riding, jet-flying, bear-suit-wrestling...

*More Scott Hall fallout: ""Fan Bob Wells said: 'Scott Hall was a complete embarrassment. He is definitely in need of some serious help!'" Look for the Fan Bob Wells Shoot DVD next month from Highspots.com!

I SO WISH I HAD CABLE RIGHT NOW because Celebrity Championship Wrestling is rocking the entire world and I'm stuck with a "True Crime" special about a woman who was strangled by her own bikini, which was jealous of her success in the field of strip sustainable agriculture. But the CCW brass have been busy plugging the show in every way possible, and that's a pretty good consolation.

The Hulk kicks off the promo cavalcade with an interview in Rocky Mountain News, where he says the best athlete on the show is.... Todd Bridges? Yep, Dennis Rodman's multiple NBA championships and Butterbean's long career of super-heavyweight knockouts don't compare to Bridges' masterful use of stage blocking opposite Dana Plato and Conrad Bain... BROTHER

*The easily-distracted Eric Bischoff is proud of CCW but quickly lapses into memories of the AWA, like how Mike Enos and Wayne Bloom were better promo guys than anyone is today. These kids, I tell ya's.

*Jason "Coattails" Hervey calls out Fred Savage, which is even dumber than it sounds. He also makes fun of his own ideas for WCW, saying "Over a handful of Coors Light, they all sounded pretty entertaining." A handful of beer? Ever heard of a can, butthead?

*Judge Brian Knobbs may stand for Trailer Park Justice, but he got some Fenway Park Justice when he got kicked out of the Red Sox/Rays game.. "But I taught Frank Stallone the hiptoss" apparently wasn't enough to justify his drunken antics.

*Also Brutus Beefcake said some stuff but I didn't care enough to find the link.

Someone please buy me cable so I can watch the awesomeness!