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"That f___ gives games a bad name"
triple drugs is a fucking piece of shit garbage. He needs to go stick his head up his ass already. Just quit and fuck himself. He's fuckin ugly as shit with Mount Rushmore for a nose. He's trash. You ppl who think he's good need to go shit yourselves. He's the 10 time dick-sucker, that's what he is. Sucked Vince for every win. All his moves suck balls. I'm tired of his "crap" this and "crap" that. Only shit I notice at all is him. He needs to shove that sledgehammer way up his loose ass. That fuck gives games a bad name. Every other game in the history of our world is better than his shitty ass. Fuck triple shits, fuck his moves, fuck his dvds, fuck his entrance fart music, fuck his marriage, fuck his life, fuck his career, fuck his house, fuck his paycheck. He deserves to be a goddamn bum under I-95 eating Pedigree dog food every night for dinner.... cus that's really what he is isn't it? A BITCH!
RF Video is already working on the "some guy who really doesn't like Triple H: The Shoot" where he tells some uncensored road stories about hating Triple H!
And now, the cheapest gag we've ever done
Look, someday we'll have a world in which Triple H, Cena and/or Randall aren't in the title match, but until that day this is the best we're going to do:
But then the Big Show will punch the dying Kansas town right in the face! Har, tune in for Jesse the Body tonight or whatever.
The People's Aeronautics and Space Administration
Here's a video of Dwayne Rocky The Rock Maivia Johnson plugging NASA. They would've had Max Moon do it but, according to NASA, Max Moon was a hoax.
Thanks, Gizmodo
The Great Khali Saves $3100 A Year!
Our pal FMAD tracked this one down. The Great Khali is one of the People of Wal-Mart!
The full pic is kind of grainy, but his cart appears to contain bread, juice and milk, or maybe flowers, a small ham and a copy of "D2: The Mighty Ducks: The Director's Cut."
No Ranjin Singh though. Maybe he's a Costco guy.
Biggupoppaponpufukkuappu!!!
A while back I stumbled onto Translation Party, a wonderful site where you can type in an English phrase and it will translate it back and forth between English and Japanese so many times that Mark Kozelek's head will hurt. What you get is a mangled version of the original phrase, which I guess is useful if you're trying to break into writing ultraviolent anime for a living, or something.
Now wrestling wouldn't be wrestling without catchphrases, so I ran a few of the sport's greatest phrases through the engine and what came out was pure gold:
The Rock: "Do you smell what the Rock is cooking?"
Translation Party: "What food tastes like a rock!"
Bret Hart: "I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be."
Translation Party: "Lid 5 is the best month of my best."
Steve Austin: "And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so!"
Translation Party: "Since then, the bottom line of my stone cold!"
DX: "And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for you: suck it!"
Translation Party: "In some cases, 211111111111, under a single word: it is, at least!"
Ric Flair: "To be the man, you've got to beat the man!"
Translation Party: "Then become a man, beat man!"
Roddy Piper: "Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions."
Translation Party: "This point I change the question to be considered to know the answer."
Ted Dibiase: "Everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man."
Translation Party: "We like the price on 10000000."
Tony Schiavone: "This is the greatest night in the history of our sport!"
Translation Party: "We spend the best night in the history of this sport!"
Scott Steiner: "This goes to all my freaks out there ... Big Poppa Pump is your hook-up. Holla if you hear me!"
Translation Party: "Of these, all I get is not easy... Biggupoppaponpufukkuappu. I heard me on the phone!"
Hulk Hogan: "Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?"
Translation Party: "Why are you going to run wild? Hulkamania?"
This Hogan in TNA Thing Can Work
I just figured out how Hogan and Russo can work together now that TNA's signed the Hulk. In true Russo fashion, we tie the angle into Hulk's real-world troubles by saying that Hogan will COMMIT SUICIDE on the next TNA Impact. Then he'll show up and take the wrestler named Suicide to a mental institution... thereby "committing" Suicide!
Then, Suicide can break out and wrestle Hogan with Laila Ali as guest referee - and this time she SWERVES everybody and hits Hogan with one of the pugel sticks from American Gladiators.
Do I bring the ratings or what?
X-Pac thinks he'll go for a walk and other news
Wrestling news that KILLED KANYE!!! just like on Twitter.
*Wikipedia says Sean Waltman is dead, but Sean Waltman tells Keller that he isn't. He feels happy! He feels happy!
*Laila Ali saved Hogan's life and will now prowl the streets of New York City wearing a cape.
*JR's Bell's Palsy flares up again, which is timely because Vince hasn't had a chance to fire and/or humiliate the guy lately. Laila Ali has already called JR and so he's actually fine.
*Ok, this can't actually be real? One of the Fat Boys is calling out Sheiky Baby?
I applaud the Fat Boys for breaking out of their comfort zones - Lord knows you can't just rap with Chubby Checker and steal Rick Nielsen's car over and over. Plus it is All To Fight Cancer so join the Markie Dee revolution already.
*Oh man, Bruno Sammartino has the best Captain Lou story yet. If I were coming out of my hotel room expecting a fight, which would I like to face less, Mike Tyson in his prime, or Captain Lou in his underwear?
"So I started everything, George"
Where will The Sandman get into drunken fracases without Captain Lou birthday parties?
The Sins of Someone and other wrestling news
Wrestling news that's making its case to host the 2016 Olympics:
*Matt Hardy is "exhausted from being punished because of someone else's sins." Most wrestling people assume this is a reference to his brother Jeff, of course, but actually he's talking about the new ring announcer, who supposedly got yelled at on her first day on the job despite getting an intense eight minutes of training. Oh, one other thing here: Matt's referencing how he's essentially been off TV since Jeff's, um, little situation. I can see how that would be frustrating sure, but is it really exhausting to work less?
*The Boogeyman is still missing so it's not funny anymore. Argh.
*Also crappy: tsunamis. Samoa Joe has stepped up for his people, of course, but there's a hidden tragedy the rest of the media is missing: because Joe has to work on tsunami relief, he has to hold back on a hugely important project!
Someone hacked Jay Lethals myspace. I am now trying to convince him only to re add hot chicks
*REMEMBER THE THREE DEMANDMENTS BROTHER - the training, the prayers and the... Hogan Energy™ Granules?
Hulk Hogan's foray into the supplement world currently consists of his first product Hogan Energy™ Extreme Energy Granules, a first of its kind fast melting granule that you pour directly into your mouth for fast absorption and rapid onset of energy.
Hogan is moving into territory already occupied by JBL and his energy drinks, so expect the Layfield voicemail to get a hilarious Hell's Angels-laced threat/prank call any day now. Also, Vince is gonna be popping like 40 of these during every taping.
*Danny "Shoots on Screech" Bonaduce isn't too happy with the Hulk either; Danny turned down the Hulkamania world tour because the pay was "[expletive]," aka 40 bucks, a bottle of energy granules, a personalized do-rag and some magic beans.
Hogan Knows When To Apologize To Hell's Angels and other news
Wrestling news that is a platform for some kind of education initiative, or something:
*Last week's Immortal teller of fabulous tales, Hulk Hogan, has apologized to the Hell's Angels for allegedly beating them up and/or allegedly threatening to set them loose on some random guy. Oh, that phone call was just a hilarious prank, obv.
*Lilian Garcia got married. So who announced her as she walked down the aisle?
*Vince Russo got Ed Ferrara onto TNA's creative team, which means the Main Event Mafia will now spend most of its time making fun of Jim Ross.
*The Boogeyman's agent says he's missing. Dude, he's standing right behind you! LOOK OUT RUN FOR IT
*Roddy Piper's son has his first (pro?) fight. He'll battle Keith David's son over who has to put on the f_____ glasses. Papa Piper, meanwhile, is going to be in a movie called "Fancypants." The plot is that someone steals his kilt and he has to wear these really frilly bloomers until he steals the kilt back.
*The Warrior lost a court case and took out his frustrations in cartoon form against some Imperial stormtroopers.
*OH SNAP JEFF HARDY: "[A reporter] asks a little kid what he thinks Jeff will be doing now that he has all this spare time and the kid says without skipping a beat: 'Steroids.'"
