Burger King Deposed; The People Demand Mr. T
The creepy reign of King Burger has come to an end. The people have tired of his predilection for sneaking into their beds. They have tired of having him stare at them for hours without blinking. They have tired of his name, and his free paper crowns available at all locations – no, actually, they still want those. Nonetheless, it’s a big deal.
Analysts don’t know yet if this “sandwich revolution” will spread to other restaurant chains, like a greasy bun, or simply congeal, like special sauce. But we do know one thing: the Kingdom of Burger is now a constitutional republic – or it will be, once the BK military holds elections later this year.
And there’s only one person who can lead that kingdom through the difficult transition to democracy. Only one person tough enough to withstand the pressures. Only one person with enough moral turpitude to hold up against the temptations of corruption and graft. Only one person who’s eloquent enough to bring the disagreeing factions to the bargaining table and once again order up a crispy bacon freedom-melt with large fries and medium drink. Heck, he’s even done BK ads before!
Ladies and gentlemen, the next leader of the Kingdom of Burger…
If I was Wendy, I’d be freaking the heck out right now.